Monday, 12 August 2013

Confidence and Living Far Away From Other Lolitas

Posted by Caitlin Neryce at 22:28

Being a Lolita isn't easy, especially if you live in a small town. Dealing with society and feeling all alone can really ruin someone's confidence and fun with the fashion. Lolita is a fun fashion that is all about dressing for ones self, yet sometimes society just doesn't get it.

It is completely understandable for society to get the wrong idea about Lolita Fashion. Why you say? Well first of all the term Lolita is enough to off put some people, as they obviously associate it with the book. So first things first, just don't mention it. If someone asks you what Lolita Fashion is just simply say "It's just a cute/elegant fashion I am into". You don't need to go into the details of how the fashion has nothing to do with the book and the whole history of it, who cares what the fashion is called as long as you love it.

Also no matter how hard you try to explain to someone about your interests, if you're different from them that's all they will see. The person standing next to you at the shopping mall isn't going to care or know that you just met up with a bunch of cute adorable frilly friends the other day, they only care about the fact that they have never seen anything in their life like you and you are standing all alone right now. If something is different from what someone is used to seeing in society they are going to obviously feel a bit confused about it all. People react to things in many different ways, you may have some people ask polite questions about your 'strange attire' or you may get some very rude members of society who just want to single you out. People do this not necessarily because they dislike you in anyway, but for many different reasons.

Bullying can happen a lot to a Lolita, simply because we are different. You may get many nasty comments and horrible things happen to you in your life time, but no matter how cruel these things may be, believe it or not these horrible people don't actually hate or despise you. People bully and put down other people for a number of reasons, and sometimes its hard to tell quite what the reason is. A lot of the times someone will bully someone else because it will make them feel better about themselves and it gives them a sense or feeling of power. Jealousy is often said as a reason for bullying, and believe it or not its true. The bullies aren't necessarily jealous of your outfit, but the fact that you had the courage to do what you wanted to regardless of society's expectations. If you are in high school especially, you are expected to fit in and follow the crowd, a lot of people will bully you because you don't fit into the standard mould.

No matter what you try to do there will always be someone there in the world to bully and tease you (in Lolita or not). The best thing to do is just keep your head held high and remember how much you love Lolita. You are in this fashion because you love it, and for no other reason ^w^

Strategies for dealing with bullies and low self esteem

If you have low self esteem, yet really love Lolita Fashion there are a number of things you can do. No matter how much advice you read though it all starts with you, so just remember to stay positive.

  • Be positive and optimistic- keep a diary and write all the things you love about yourself each and every time you feel cheery, and remember to look back over it the times you are feeling a little blue. Also make a collage of all the things you love, from your friends, to your dream dresses, to pictures of flowers and happy sunshine, and fill it with happy quotes. Another idea similar to the collage is to start a positive Tumblr.

  • This is a fashion you love- remember you are wearing Lolita fashion not because you are being forced to but because you want to. Regardless of what anyone says to you, it will not take away that thrill that you get from each and every outfit. Look in the mirror before you go outside for the day, if all looks fine, then that's all that counts. Tell yourself you are pretty and go nuts over how much you love your daily coordination. If you are still doubtful then ask one of your close friends what they think of your outfit. Just remember when you are out and about, this is your outfit and you love it, people's attitudes shouldn't change your personal feelings.

  • Ignore them- the best way to deal with someone who is giving you grief is to just cut them off completely, just ignore them. Online many websites and social networking sites have a block feature, don't hesitate and just block them. If you are getting hate messages all the time and it's beyond your control go to an adult you trust and in the worst case scenario consult the police. If you are having trouble in the real world the same applies. Easier said then done may need a little help to be able to ignore someone, don't be afraid to consult help from a friend or family member when you need it. To help block out negative comments you could carry an mp3 player around with you, even if you don't have music playing it gives you an excuse not to talk to people. Whatever happens, you have the right to feel safe just like everyone else, don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

  • Accept compliments- this may sound a little odd to some people, but believe it or not its not as easy as it sounds. To some people accepting a compliment is a rather hard ordeal. If you are complimented don't say "oh but I'm not" or some other ridiculous thing that puts yourself down, but instead take it in a happy light. Regardless of what you think of yourself, some kind person is going out of their way to say something nice to you, accept it and reply with a nice 'thank you'. It will, even if not at the time, cheer you up greatly to be complimented. Even if the compliment sounds like a joke, accept it all the same, it makes the bully look like a fool.

Dealing with distance

If you live in a small town, there is a higher chance for bullying to occur, and rather a challenge to find Lolita's near you. But not to worry, that doesn't mean you are isolated and all alone.

Join an online group- whether it be on Facebook or Live Journal joining a Lolita group will help so much. It will let you talk to someone in common, have a sense of belonging and you may even be able to pick up some great bargains. Also a lot of communities are online now, so it may help to look and see if you can find a local com near you.

Get a pen pal- whether you do it the old fashioned way and write some lovely letters with some amazing Baby the Stars Shine Bright stationary or you just communicate via Facebook or email, having a Lolita pen pal is amazing. I have a Lolita pen pal myself, it's so much fun and makes for rather interesting conversation. My pen pal is really nice, we talk about our countries and what being a Lolita is like for us, and we always share Lolita pics of course. I really recommend getting a pen pal.

I know this is a rather long blog post, and I kinda moulded two ideas into one, but I thought these were touchy subjects that really needed to be addressed. If you have any ideas yourself on this topic please feel free to share in the comments ^w^


Laura Morrigan on 6 October 2013 at 18:41 said...

That is really good advice for anyone whose style is very different, of can't find others like them. I did like the advice about not just referring to it as Lolita to strangers who aren't really interested in the style itself. It can be just too hard to explain. I have been asked if I was going to a party and said yes, and then been told my clothes were pretty, I know that there could be lots of misconceptions and explanations if I said Lolita.

I don't live in a small town, but my area is not that cosmopolitan, most people move to the city when they grow up for all the events and culture there. In the city there are Lolitas, Goths and Steampunks, where I live I have to go a couple of hours in either direction to see my friends who share those interests.

You are definitely right about the clothes making you feel good. When I dress for myself, it makes me happy, when I try to dress normal, I feel so weird.

Caitlin George on 6 October 2013 at 22:33 said...

I'm glad you think my advice was helpful, thank you :)

Lolita makes me feel good as well, I think it does to anyone who wears it. I wrote this post as I myself have dealt with a lot being a Lolita and I didn't want others to feel like they should suffer and feel alone. I live pretty far away from any Lolita community and my nearest one I have yet to make it to a meet up. I don't live in a small town either, yet not quite a city.

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